A Joyful Life

"For what it's worth: it's never too late or, in my case, too early to be whoever you want to be. There's no time limit, stop whenever you want. You can change or stay the same, there are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. And I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life you're proud of. If you find that you're not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again." 

-"The Curious Case of Benjamin Button"

For some reason, it has been a very difficult month for me to find the right words to write.  When I got back to school, the days seemed so long, yet my mind was blank at the end of them.  Tonight, though, the words flowed.  I told my life story to my floormates and it was interesting to see the way it turned out.  

I had planned out the stories I was going to tell them, some funny and others heartwrenching, but when I actually got around to telling them about my life, I didn't end up telling all those stories.  It ended up being a myriad of all the joyful moments in my life.  It felt like "It's a Wonderful Life" when, in the end, he realizes that his life is really not so hard.  He has a family who loves him, a town supporting him and hardships are just not so hard for him to face because he doesn't need to face them alone.  No, I don't have a town supporting me, but I have my family and I have my floor.  

I started my story with my June 3rd birth in Anacortes and moved through my elementary school years.  I told them about my horrifying first day of first grade and my third grade teacher who loved Winnie the Pooh.  There was the day I went to the top of the Space Needle in fifth grade to learn geography with my mom.  I did tell them that my school transitions were difficult and that many tears were shed during those transitions, but I didn't tell them the stories I intended to that happened during high school.  My funny stories and awkward situations just kept coming and I was getting so excited to share these moments with them.  I couldn't shatter the moment by telling them about my friend who jumped off a bridge when she was fifteen.  

You see, my floor has changed my feelings about that day at Camp Casey when I got the news that a friend of mine had lost her life.  I still remember distinctly the evening of March 6 when my friend got a text saying Maren committed suicide.  I hadn't been to Casey since that day and when I went back for the Hill Hall Retreat, a chill went up my spine as I looked out at the water.  That heartbreaking memory screamed at me, but I viewed this retreat as a way of making a new memory of this truly beautiful place.  As I watched the sunset with my new friends and I lay beneath the stars, I no longer had a fearful image of Camp Casey in my mind.  Fear was replaced with beauty and love.

I meant to tell them this, I really did, but I couldn't do it.  I was happy to be sharing my joyful moments with them; I could save my sadness for another day.  What I realized at the end of the story (of my life) is that it has been a good life.  I have been so happy for 99% and that other 1% has been the basis of so much growth.  There is a purpose for all that happens and Christ has helped me to find that purpose.  As Benjamin Button stated above, it's up to us to be who we want to be.  Sometimes things happen along the way that alter our plans, but we have the freedom to see those alterations as a benefit or a downfall.  If we are wise, we will not let anything put us down and we will realize that tomorrow is always a brand new day.