Tonight, everything was made clear to me. Why I didn't get SMC, why Ben asked me to be in his band, why I ended up on the stage on Wednesday nights and not in the mass of students, why I didn't get into a play, why I ended up on Fourth Hill, why I went to Costa Rica. All of these things which were strange reality checks to me in the past now make perfect sense to me. There is a purpose in every path of life and, though so often difficult to see, so many paths were made clear tonight. This year has been a whirlwind of events and meetings and classes and it has been a huge struggle to find peace in the midst of it all. I have constantly been wondering why I am where I am and even though there are moments when it all makes sense, overall, Autumn Quarter 2009 has been one big confusing mass.
Let me explain to you why it all makes sense now. Each event along the way seemed so insignificant and tonight I saw the purpose in it all. I only played on about half of the songs at group, so I was able to stand with the masses and worship for about fifteen minutes and they were an amazing fifteen minutes. In those moments, I looked on the stage and listened to the band play and then I looked around the room and I saw other people from group staff worshipping, praying over the city, taking communion and washing the feet of their roommates. It was beautiful to see the deep impact that group has on students in their lives and relationships with each other and with Christ. So, when I played on the last few songs, I looked out and saw hundreds of people worshipping and growing together. This is why I am here.
Seeing those deeply concentrated faces, some mournful, some joyful and some simply at peace, I realized something huge. This is God is working through me. God is using me to spread his love to hundreds of people each week through the simple task of playing an instrument. How selfish it was of me to not see this before. It was selfish of me to say that I wasn't "getting anything" out of group. That's not the point, how foolish to think it was. God's work in our lives is meant to challenge us, not let us grow in faith without even trying. When I didn't get SMC, I was surprised, but my reaction was that there must be something else in store. Something more fitting for where I am and where God plans to meet me. That something was group and it has shaped into something beautiful. Challenging? Yes, it is one of the hardest things I have had to do. Worth it? Yes, a million times over. Yes.
A year ago, I would have looked at my life and told you these few things about myself:
- I'm a freshman at SPU.
- I believe in God, but I haven't seen Him work many wonders in my life.
- I'm a theatre major.
- Yes, that's a violin and the other one's a viola, but I don't play them very often.
- Was SPU my first choice? Not really, but it was the cheapest option for me, so...here I am.
- I'm in college because that's what you're supposed to do.
- I live on Fourth Hill, it's alright.
Now, I look at my life and I see how drastically it has changed. I'm a sophomore and God has turned my life in a direction I never would have come up with on my own. I never had a strong urge to try out for a play, so my theatrical endeavors faded away. I'm a global development studies major with a hope to change the world. Those instruments sitting in the corner? They're brought out of hiding and played for about ten hours a week. It's true that I only came to SPU because it was cheap, but my God, I am so glad that I'm here. I'm here for so much more than I ever intended and God is using me in ways I never would have imagined. And Fourth Hill...where do I even begin with Fourth Hill?
Fourth Hill 2008-2009 was the biggest blessing in my whole life and it has shaped who I am right now. This is where I met women who challenged me to step outside of my comfort zone, to explore my passions and see where they might take me. These are the women who got me to play my instruments again, to tap dance, to think about the world as oppose to the small world that I live in, to read my Bible and meditate on it, to try out for group and the biggest lesson of all: to love. Teylar Greer, Rachel Smith, Aly Quatier, Lara Musser, Becky Jo Tuell, Anna Barton, Jessica Marshall, Alina Sayre, Jillian Leavitt, Rachael Cherryhomes, Valerie Moser. These are the women who changed me, prayed for me and supported me through a year full of change.
As my dear friend Stephanie just told me, "God puts us in places not to be touched by His love, but to touch others with His love." Last year, I was touched by His love and the call this year is to share that love with everyone around me. With the girls on my floor, the students at group, my staff, my professors, my friends, SPU, Seattle, the world. The world goes on forever and so does God's love. It is our job as Christians to be sure that His unending love will spread far and wide to all the forgotten corners of the world. That is what I have learned and that is why I am right here right now.
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