Finally Finished and Just Beginning

I was up late last night. I thought about not telling how late because I know Mom and Grandma may read with disapproval, but I believe in honesty. Yes, I was up until 3:30 writing a paper that has been assigned since day one. But other things came up. So many other things came up.

Friends fell and I lifted them up. I fell and they lifted me up. Statistics became garbled in my head with talk of z-scores and standard error versus standard deviation. "P hat and q hat," what do they all mean? Aly went to jump on some trampolines and the next minute, she's in the ER finding out her world has been turned upside down. Valentine's Day came and went, some friends missing their loved ones and others wishing they had someone to love. Certain plans for the future turned into a murky muddled mass of questions. Words were said that made me cry for hours. Friendships began to slip between the cracks. The last three weeks, all relationships have fallen between the cracks of group and school and emotional overload.

I ask myself constantly, "How can I do it all?" I don't really know. All I know is that I take it one day at a time, I make plans far in advance and I somehow manage to get everything done and still spend time with the ones I love. As I cried to my friend Leanne on Tuesday night, she told me she respected how emotionally invested I am in my relationships. I am glad I'm invested in my relationships, even though it exhausts me. It's a good kind of exhaustion. The kind of exhaustion you feel after staying up until three playing games or running a really fast mile (not that I know what that feels like, but I hear it feels great). After the exhaustion comes joy. That joy came with the sun.

The beautiful 60 degree warmth that Seattlites long for has been lingering in and out over the past few days. Somehow, in these moments of sunshine, all is forgotten. The books are put on hold, the petty arguments are left behind and people enjoy one another. I flit in and out, visiting old friends and catching up on a nearly finished quarter. The sun has a certain magic about it that stretches the hours into long days. I'm thankful for these long sunny days that give me hope for spring. As I finish up papers and prepare for studying for finals, I dream of next quarter. I long for long days, a schedule designed entirely to spend the most time possible in the sun and a heart that has grown a lot in the last month.

Closing the book on this quarter, I'm taking away a lot of lessons. Not just countries and capitals and terms like GDP and food security. I learned that friendships aren't always easy. I learned that it takes a lot of love to forgive. I learned that I can't go through this life on my own. I am ever grateful for friends. Friends who have ears to hear, advice to give and time to hold me.

Opening on the book of Spring Quarter, I am exhilarated. A fresh start will be good and I am excited to see what's next. I'm not sure what else to say, other than I am excited for the possibilities that it will hold. It is uncertain and I, for some reason, am really happy for that.