Wednesday

I remember Wednesdays quite distinctly. Two years ago, I remember sitting on the floor of Upper Gwinn, right in front of the beautiful Aly, and feeling terrified, but somehow free. I stared at the carpet watching the pattern stretch out all over a room that on any other day is nothing more than a place to hear a lecture or eat a meal. On Wednesday nights, though, it is a sanctuary. Perhaps I looked like I was spacing out as I stared at the carpet, but the reality is that I was grappling with the fact that I wasn't going to live the life I thought I would be living. The fact is that on that particular Wednesday night, my dreams of being on stage were tossed out the window for something bigger.

For some, the dreams of the stage are perfect. More than perfect, really. They have gumption and they have courage. They can handle being told "no" audition after audition and they still have the strength to try again. I couldn't do it. When we asked Candace in Acting I how she knew she wanted to be an actress. She said that she knew when she didn't have to think about it. People asked if she wanted to act and she said yes. No hesitation, just a single focus on the one thing she really wanted to. I hesitated for months until finally one night at group, God asked if I wanted to act and I said no. It was no longer a question...the answer was no.

Freedom.

The whole world was waiting for me and I had to get beyond my own dreams to see it. Now, I am looking forward to days of summer which could be spent anywhere. Rwanda, Germany or Federal Way...wherever God calls. That's what I keep telling myself and they are also the words that are hopefully getting across to people on Wednesday nights as we go through the book of Matthew.

There are clear calls that we receive in Matthew, but it is up to us to follow them. I followed a call two years ago and now I stand up front and help others to hear that same call. GO. Whether we go upstairs, next door, across the state or across the world, we are being called to take a step forward. What a blessing it has been to be on the other side of the worship service. We often sing a song that has some of my favorite lyrics: I know I'm filled to be emptied again, the seed I've received I will sow. These are the lyrics that have been my life for the past two and a half years. There are days that I feel like I am overflowing and then there are days that I am bone dry. I need all of these days and God has been providing them without hesitation. I am thankful everyday I wake up because I know that God is letting me live a full life. A life of love, of joy, of adventure and of hope.