So Long, Farewell...Hallo!

I have been awake for 29 hours. Never in my life have I stayed awake for so long. Yet, here I sit, finally showered and droopy eyed with a racing heart excited for the weeks to come. After a flight to Chicago, another to Munich, one train from the airport to the city and another from Munich to Augsburg, it is safe to say that I am exhausted. So, when I called my friend Deni, I was surprised when she asked me if I was still in the States. "Well, no," I reply, "I'm at the train station in Augsburg." It turns out our dates were mixed up and I arrived a day earlier than expected. But I am immediately struck once again by the generosity of these friends of old. She said not to worry and within fifteen minutes, her black car pulled up to the train station.

When I arrived at their home, the whole family was there, grandparents included, and they joyfully set another place at the table for me because I came just in time for coffee and cake. We sat at the table and I tried desperately to pick out just a few words in German through their conversations and I just smiled. I am happy to be here.

The sun is shining more brightly than I have seen in Seattle since last August and every person I pass greets me with a cheerful "Hallo!" I am glad that I get to start and end my trip here with good friends who will well equip me for whatever journey lies ahead. What a blessing it is to have friends I can call family spread across this massive globe. And especially now in this little corner of the world in the southern part of Germany where a train will take me anywhere my heart desires and a friend lies waiting on either side.

In just a few days, I will be hopping on quite a few more trains making my way to Munich and then Salzburg which will lead me on to Schladming. There, my sister will be waiting with many other eager students and staff, ready (or perhaps not quite) for the adventures that lie in store for the next five weeks. I'm not sure what it will be like, but I'm excited for the mystery. With mystery comes surprises and surprises are quite excellent most of the time.

Thank You

It's weird, the way time works. One minute, you're stressed out of your mind unable to go on and the next minute you're breathing again. Year two is officially finished and I am now halfway through college. Yet, somehow, I'm not terrified. I feel in the right place for the first time in a while. I don't feel a huge lack of direction. I don't feel ahead of or behind everyone else. I'm 20 and that feels like the right age. I have found my place on a leadership team, starting year two in the fall. The greatest fear is what exists between me and my relationships.

I am a girl of many circles and it is increasingly difficult for me to make those circles intertwine. I desperately hope that I will be able to hold onto all of them, but life doesn't always work that way. How long until this heart becomes too heavy to hold on? When I let go, will they hold on while I regain my strength? Yes, I know they will. That's why these friendships still exist. If I give up when the other gives up, then there is no hope. But there have been years of one of us being too tired and still this love continues. For this peace, I will be forever grateful.

The last year has been far from easy, but I have learned so much. A year that started in pure bliss quickly hit a wall. A wall of questioning God and of wondering where I was supposed to be. As I overcame one fear or question, another would quickly pop up. It was like I was playing Mario...hopping on a mushroom only to see one of those nasty flowers in front of me, threatening to eat me and stop me from stepping any closer to the finish. Exhilarating highs and exhausting lows with nothing in between. Nine months of this emotional roller coaster is enough for now. As people ask me how year two was, I respond with, "Good. Very hard, but very good."

I am thankful for the year. No, I wouldn't have asked for many of the things that happened, but I came out alive and that's the point. There were conversations that I wish I could have avoided, relationships I wish I could have mended or grown and actions that perhaps shouldn't have been taken. But if I look back on the year and beat myself up about the things that have already occurred, how will I ever move forward? Not only did I come out alive, I came out knowing a much more clearly who I am. It's a good thing, being able to know who you are. I am learning how I handle things that seem too hard to face. I am learning what I need to rejuvenate. I am learning how best to relate to those around me. I am learning the importance of the words, "I love you." I am learning that life isn't always going to be easy, no matter how hard I try. Learning to be flexible. To be vulnerable. To love.

I thank you, Anna, for living with me for nine whole months, through the good and the bad. Thank you for the post-it notes, for the letters, for being quiet when I needed to sleep and for bringing me daisies when I had a cold. They all meant so much to me and I won't forget it.

Thank you, Jill and Em, for hanging out in our room even though your room was just as cool. Thanks for the encouragement when stress ensued. Thank you for plopping yourself on the fun couch and begging for snuggles.

Thank you, Jess Robertson, for playing the viola. That four stringed instrument, C-G-D-A, has created a friendship that will last forever. Thanks for being the perfect height and having the perfect heart for hugging. I'll be coming back to Fourth for some more of those.

Thank you, Candice and Becky Jo, for holding me and for listening. Thank you also for trusting me to do the same for you. You've both helped me through a very tough year.

Thank you, Chomes, for those many nights spring quarter where we brushed our teeth in every sink. You are my somebody to love, if you know what I mean. You've brought me so much joy.

Thank you, Ben, for drinking tea in my room between classes. For the long talks, for the encouragement and for allowing me to live in the fantastical Friends & Family world, but also stay connected to my SPU world. I know it's not easy, but I appreciate it so much.

Thank you, Val Baby, for wrapping chords with me every Wednesday night and for walking me and my instruments back to my room. Thank you for always knowing just when I needed you.

Thank you, Lara, for second chances and for making things new. I love you, more than I showed.

Thank you, Aly, for making sure that I will never forget the importance of group staff. Also, for teaching me the importance of living in the moment and not stressing about the future.

Thank you, Dahlstroms, for every single Sunday. For salmon lunches and listening ears. For advice in my woes and encouragement in my excitement. For Christmas in Ramsau. Most of all, I thank you for the unending love.

Thank you, Dewey, for the walks. I know you're just a dog, but our walks three days a week have given me a lot of time to think and have given me much needed peace.

This list could go on for so long, but I suppose it must stop somewhere. Thank you all, you know who you are, for giving me the strength and courage to persevere through difficult times. It is when I get through those times that I see beauty, hope, peace and love. I see it in all of you and it lights up my life. Thank you.