Unexpected Friends in Unexpected Places

One of the most difficult parts of high school for me was saying "good bye" to the friends I made who graduated before I did. I went to graduation every year, cried every year and said "farewell" every year. It was always bittersweet and disconcerting not to see them in the hallways the next day and wonder "well, who will I be friends with now?" It was always the grade ahead of me who I became friends with and the fact that there would be no class ahead of me someday was something I preferred not think about. Well, once that brutal fact did approach, I tried to find a group of friends who I could have fun with senior year.

Now, halfway through senior year, I find myself hanging out with three people who, at the beginning of freshman year, I never imagined I would find myself with. They were bold and flamboyant and I was shy. I watched from the corner while they stood in front of the class without a care in the world. But, somehow, I emerged from my little spot in the corner and realized just how amazing they are.

Spencer is in the orchestra with me and will listen to just about anything you have to say and always have a comforting word of advice. Adrienne is the nicest person I have met in my life and has love for everyone around her and dedication for anything she does. And Dan is the most talented actor I have met in my life and brings entertainment to any and every situation. Why I wasn't friends with these three all along is a mystery to me, but I now find myself quite attached to them.

So, now I will cry at graduation once again and be surrounded by people who I love so very much. My own life has proven that life is one big surprise and I absolutely love it!

The Tables are Turning

Today I auditioned for my last high school play ever. No, the audition process is not over, nor is the anticipation, but there is still that lurking feeling that it's the last one. And with every thing this year that is "the last one", I am continually realizing that I am the old one now.

When I was a freshman, I was scared to try out for the plays, but I can still name those upper classmen who made it all okay. They assured me that I was making the right choice, they told me the things to do that would make me a better actress and they took away any insecurities I might have had. These were "the old ones". And now I am one.

I was in the hallway where we waited to audition and the newbies around me were asking me about this and that. It sounds ridiculous to be talking like this, but I remember when I was one of them. One of the freshmen, scared of auditioning and feeling knots in my stomach, but I grew up and they will too.

Seeing how I've grown is continually reminding me that I will be in their same position in less than a year. I will be a scared freshman all over again, wanting to know how it all works. It is all part of the endless circle of life I suppose; this idea that once you finish something, you'll just begin all over again.

So now, I treasure the last few months of high school and being the old, respected one because I won't be that person for another four years.

Through the Lens of a Camera

I am taking photography this year and it has proven itself to be quite wonderful. Although it can be quite stressful at times to get this roll done and find enough hours of daylight to shoot more that roll, it is such a wonderful art. You see, I am not an artist. Yes, I most definitely wish I could sketch and paint, but it's simply not in the cards for me. But photography does not require me to use certain brush strokes or perfect shading. Photography allows me to use my eyes and create a picture that is completely beautiful.

It is an art that I own entirely. I put the film in the camera and I fire away. I look through all the trees and find the lone leaf that made it through autumn and is now covered in snow. I can change the speed of the shutter so that I can capture the flowing movements of a fountain and it looks as though you can see every drop of water. Then, I take those photos and spend a monotonous 30 minutes developing the film. Developing, although it is a royal pain, serves a greater purpose to me. I cannot be distracted by the things around me when I develop because I must keep an eye on the clock, so that concentration forces me to be alone with my thoughts. In my chaotic life, it is hard to find a time like that, so the 30 painful developing minutes are actually a blessing in an irritating disguise. But my favorite thing, above all, is that moment when I create the actual print and see all the hard work pay off.

When I make prints, I don't throw the paper in the developer and walk away. I drop the paper in and stand there intently watching and waiting for the picture to appear. And that right there is what makes all the work worth it. I have taken a blank negative and turned it into a picture. It is a perfect art and never again will I be able to look at the earth without wishing I could capture it on film.

A Fond Farewell to 2007 and a Warm Welcome to 2008

2008 approached me before I was ready. Those four numbers have always seemed quite far away to me and now they have arrived. I can hardly believe that I will start college in the fall and that I only have 6 months until high school will quickly fade into something from the past. But before I fear 2008, I find it only fitting to reflect on the beauties of 2007.

2007 was a year full of ups and downs, just like every year before it. The ups were friendships that, at one time, seemed impossible. The downs were deaths of two people who meant the world to me. Those two people were my grandpa and a dear old family friend.

Ed Michaelsen was the only grandpa I ever had and he most certainly lived up to that role. He was full of energy for most of his life, and full of love until the very end. He was the best grandfather the world could ever have and I will miss him. Although it is so hard for him to be gone, it is such a comfort to know that he is now somewhere where he can remember things again. He is in a better place and I just know that he must be smiling and full of life, thanks be to God. I love him very much and I will never forget all that he did for me and all of the joy he brought to those around him.

The second death the year brought was that of Scott Becker, a friend of our family, who died entirely too young. It is hard to lose someone earlier than is natural, but it always turns out that there is a purpose for that timing. Scott was a pastor at our church for years and it seemed that he was a huge influence on the whole world. He was a man who never let anything be dull. He brought excitement to everything and I'll never forget him. He gave the perfect Kermit the Frog impression and he sang "The Rainbow Connection" many a time, so now I can never forget him. He was a joy, he truly was.

Thank goodness the year was not entirely made up of heartache, though. I made friendships this year that are perfect. These friendships are what keep me going, and without them, I would never be able to get through the hardships of the year. God put them in my life for a reason and I am so thankful for that every day.

I am not entirely sure of what 2008 has in store for me, but I can guarantee that it will be an adventure. It is a big year and I am excited to see how it turns out. This year will most definitely be a year in which I will simply need to trust in God and believe that he will look out for me. So, good luck, and happy New Year!

The Happiest Christmas

A favorite Christmas album in our family is that of Michael W. Smith. It is filled with beautiful melodies and cheesy lyrics, just what a Christmas album should be. One of my favorite songs is the song "Happiest Christmas" which states that the happiest Christmas is a homecoming Christmas and tells us all about how a Christmas spent at home with the ones you love is the best Christmas of all. These lyrics rang quite true this Christmas.

My Grandma was with us for Christmas, which hasn't happened for about 12 years, and she made it all so perfect. Even though she is 82 years old, she still ran around with our crazy family to join in on all of the regular Christmas traditions. She even watched "The Bourne Ultimatum" with us on Christmas day and that is not something that every grandma would do. But the point is not that she dragged herself around with us, because she didn't. She was always full of smiles (or tears) and walking right in step with us as though she had been doing it for the past 12 years.

This Christmas was also the White Christmas that I have always dreamed of. The odds were against Seattle in the snow forecast and it seemed like this would be yet another year of snowless festivities. But I saw snow in those clouds and it eventually began to fall. No, we weren't snowed in, but it was enough snow to lightly cover the neighborhood in beautiful white blanket. So, I sat there with my cocoa listening to Bing sing his heart out and I could do nothing but smile. I thought that that would top off the whole day, but the joy continued to elevate.

Caught up in the beauty of the snow, I nearly forgot about the Christmas dinner that lay ahead of us. The men always cook the Christmas dinner and create one delicious feast for us. As we sat at the table, I had never felt so at ease. That was a very peaceful moment for me. Just sitting, watching and realizing that God has watched over this family for so many years to lead us to this very moment in time. To lead us to a moment of contentedness and happiness to simply be with each other.

There are so many words that could describe this Christmas: beautiful, joyous, delicious, wonderful. But the only word that could truly describe it all is "perfect".

"Someday Soon, We All Will Be Together"

Tonight was my last Christmas concert, and it was quite a lovely concert. I played in four different groups, which is significantly more than in the past. The music was beautiful. The audience was huge. My friends were close. And then I remembered it was my last Christmas concert with those close friends. Suddenly, the evening became still as I sat offstage listening to the band play "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas" and looking at my beautiful orchestra. This orchestra has been my life for the past four years and it is hard when I finally realize that the year is slowly ending.

Next year, I don't know where I'll be, but I know I won't be in high school. My mornings will no longer consist of a group of dorky kids who take AP classes and tell ridiculous jokes that only an orchestra kid could understand. I feel like I've been everywhere with the orchestra, and in a small sense, I have. We've been to Canada, to Oregon, to Vashon Island, and soon to California. We travel together and there's something about 6 hour bus rides that bring you together. These mornings and journeys have meant the world to me and I don't want them to end, but like everything, they will eventually come to a close. The memories will be there for eternity, but it's simply not the same as being in the moment.

So, although we've fought more than I would hope and we have done things that we now regret, the orchestra is perfect. It is full of laughter and more energy than I've ever seen. I will miss it so much, and I am so grateful that the world of orchestra is not yet at a close. And I will be back, yes, I will most definitely be back. Just like that wonderful song says, "Someday soon, we all will be together" and we will, I know we will. It is moments like tonight that will bring me back. Moments filled with love and emotion that you don't experience in just any group of friends. Only in orchestra (and perhaps a few others, but that's a whole other story).

45 and Raining

I checked the weather report, as I constantly do, for the slight possibility of snow, but as always, no such luck. It will be 45 and raining until next Tuesday at least, which is simply not ideal. I can't take my much procrastinated roll of film for photography in this weather. I can't make a snowman in this weather. Most of all, I will not have a white Christmas with this weather. This is Seattle and there are times when I just loathe the fact that I rarely see a snowflake in the sky, but somehow, the rain is not too bad.

The rain is familiar. It's been 45 and rainy in December for as long as I can remember, and I won't deny that I like it. This is the rain that makes Christmas in Seattle so different from the picture perfect, frosted windowed houses in the Christmas movies. Although I would like nothing more than to experience a White Christmas like my dear friend Bing Crosby sings about, the rain will suffice.

The rain is, in its own way, picturesque. The rain that falls steadily and runs down the windows during Christmas dinner is beautiful. And there is no better sound that can be made than that of rain beating against the roof. It's strange that these little drops of water can mean so much, but to me, they do. The rain has never let me down and it is always quite considerate. It holds off for the Christmas caroling on Christmas Eve and the evenings out to the Nutcracker and that is all I ask of it.

So even though the Christmas will be far from white, I don't mind. It feels like it's rained on Christmas for the past hundred years, so there's no reason that it should stop now. So, please let the rain fall and let us in Seattle accept it not with a wicked glare, but with a smile of appreciation for all that it means.