It was a long week due to a test that consumed my mind with 104 terms to study and 31 essay prompts to prepare. Then, immediately following the test I had two and a half days to complete a ten page research paper. I was supposed to go on group retreat on Friday night and half of Saturday, but I opted out in order to write my paper. Confession: I haven't started to work on my paper. But I have found a whole lot of beauty and rest in these past few hours and it has rejuvenated my soul.
Becky Jo and I started cooking our pizza at 7, so by the time we finally sat down to eat, it was about 7:30 and the lights of our dear beloved city were sparkling across the water. We lit all of the candles in our living room and put on some Sigur Ros. We then prayed for our meal and dug in. We dug into the pizza and we also dug into our pasts-remembering the days of freshman year that feel so long ago. How did we end up here? We pondered that question for a while and realized that the answer was hiding from us. Why can't we pinpoint the moment our friendships begin? Because the closest relationships of all just happen naturally. They're the ones you don't force and the ones you don't strive for. True, I meet people and think, "wow, I really want to be their friend." And I am their friend, but not really. There are the friends who I pour my heart into and there are others who I watch a movie with once in a while.
My friendships in college are funny because there is a universal understanding of "Let's hang out. Except we can't because we both know we're too busy." Is this bad? Being too busy for my own friends? The reality is I can't be friends with everybody. We were joking about Becky Jo having a thousand friends the other day and then we realized that surely, throughout the course of our lives, we have known a thousand different people. To keep up all of those relationships is impossible. So, we constantly end up going through that painful process of saying "yes" to some and "no" to others. There is hurt along the way, but in the end they move on and so do we. And hopefully we are able to realize that the moment of our life that was spent in relationship was very significant at the time.
I came into this year thinking it would be easier because there wouldn't be a floor full of forty girls that I wanted to be friends with, but it hasn't been all that easy. There are times when I just beg for an extra hour in the day or day in the week. All I want is a night of the week to spend in rest with my friends. And here it is: Friday night, paper writing plans and a pizza to put a stop to them. I thank God for this pizza, for this night and for the lovely girl I was able to share it with. It is hours like these that make me realize I have it so good. True, there are hard things, but if the hardest thing I have to do is skip a retreat to write a paper, I think my worries are pretty low. And I can thank the good Lord for that.
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