Surprises

A lot of things have jumped out at me this quarter that I never really expected. From group's study of Matthew to withdrawing my SPRINT application to having a guy sweep me off my feet, it is safe to say that things are much different than I thought they would be. There is frustration in the uncertainty, but I am also finding bits of bliss here and there. There is a certain beauty in the not knowing.

group has been a challenge for me this quarter. We haven't had many planning meetings and that has caused my heart to not be in it entirely. I found myself caught in the motions of going to practice, showing up on Wednesday and closing off my heart. I became super upset with myself because this was not the point of being on staff this year. I was here to grow and I was merely standing in the same place every week playing one whole note after another. Two weeks ago I looked at the words on the screen and everything changed for me:

The same power that conquered the grave lives in me. The same love that rescued the earth lives in me.

What?! Why wouldn't I want to be a part of that? Singing those words over and over again, I began to believe them wholeheartedly and just like that, my heart was back in it. As a follower of Christ, I am in a unique position to shine His light in the world. I shine that light through joy. Tyler told me that he is dumbfounded by the joy I posses, even on Monday afternoons in Comparative Political Systems. I don't know where it comes from; I think Mondays are lame, just like everybody else, but somehow I am still smiling. Bob pointed out that I find the same amount of joy in small things and big things. My heart leapt just as much when I got a position on group staff as when I took a bite out of an exceptionally crisp apple. I don't know where this comes from either...it seems like there is no other answer than God. With God comes purpose and with purpose comes an incredible gratitude to be alive. My life is a gift and I will use that gift to bring life to others as best I can.

I thought that spreading the love of Christ would come in the form of a SPRINT (Seattle Pacific Reachout International) trip this summer to Rwanda or Uganda, yet I decided to pull my application at the last second. It was a long thought process, but I feel at peace about it. The short version is that I knew my first trip overseas needed to be a personal one. I didn't want to go with a group of SPU students, I wanted to go on a personal journey that possibly had a connection to Bethany. I am now in the process of trying to do a 5 week (+/-) internship with World Relief in Rwanda working on church partnership between Bethany and local churches there.

I will be graduated in 18 months and I don't know what I want to do after that. This trip will be an insight into what living life overseas might entail and if it's really something I want to do. I have come to the conclusion more and more lately that I can't make decisions until I've scoped them out myself. Don't know what Africa is really like? My only logical solution is to go there and see it for myself. Perhaps this is too bold and unnecessary, but I know that it has the great possibility to completely change my life. There is need there and I feel that God has opened a door into Rwanda and that He has also opened my heart to take a leap of faith in jumping on a plane that will take me to the opposite side of the globe.

Does the uncertainty scare me? I would be lying to you if I didn't admit that it terrifies me. But there are so many here who are supportive of what might lie ahead for me and this support is what gives me the courage and confidence to go. So thank you. Thank you so much. For loving me, for praying for me, for caring for me. It is your love that gets me through each day and I would be hopeless without it.